Judgy-boree

I love taking my daughter out with me ever if its to the grocery store. Just yesterday I headed to my local Fresh Co. for some basics, milk, bread, chocolate, the usual. I plunked my daughter into the front of the cart after struggling with the quarter release mechanism and causing HUGE distress to the guy in the suit trying to get a cart because he was clearly very important and in a big hurry...I digress. I pushed her around the store singing, talking and making weird faces at her to make her giggle and forget that we were doing something very boring. I look certifiable but I don't give a damn. I finally made it to the check out line and waiting patiently while I continued to entertain my daughter. From behind me I could feel a deadly cold creep across my body, like the Grim Reaper running his finger up my back and turned to lock eyes with a woman who I swear has never smiled once in her life. She may have been around 60 years old, placing her within a generation who has seen sexual revolution, Vietnam, Equal Rights, in short, a crap load of rapid societal change. No tolerance on this one. She slowly allowed her eyes to creep up and down my body, taking in the tattoos, piercing, and lack of wedding ring, her eyes flicked to my daughter oblivious to the judgemental inspection from June Cleavers evil alter ego. If anyone else was watching her face they would have assumed that I had just farted. In my opinion, it is nearly impossible to look at my child and not at least smile but she resisted. I had been judged.
          This whole process took mere seconds but she had me pegged as do the many people I catch doing the same thing. How do I know? I used to do the same thing. I admit it. We all do it, most of us unknowingly. Being on the other side of the fence now makes me realize how quick we all are to judge others without knowing the circumstances. I know I don't look like a "conventional" mum (is there one in today's day and age?) but it doesn't mean my daughter was "an accident" or that I got knocked up by a guy named Joe that I met at a club one night, or that I am not a good mother (my kid likes me anyway). It means that I was once like you but then things changed, for the most part it was out of my control. I wouldn't wish my situation on anyone but I do caution the smug, there but for the grace of God go you...You may think your daughters marriage is happy and successful, so was mine; you may think your husband would never leave you after having a child especially, I thought so too; or that it can be prevented, it can't.
      I suppose the point of this tangential rambling is that being thankful for your good fortune is vastly different to being smug and superior. We all judge each other, its part of our DNA, but do not judge so harshly, you never know the true secrets of a woman and mothers heart and what twists of fate lead her to this point in her life.

It's Been One of THOSE Days...

Today was not ok. Today was one of those days that a single mother dreads. Today was a day when pain is palpable, a day you want to spend crying, screaming, pounding the wall and asking the heavens why you were picked. Why was I picked to go  through this? But you can't cry, you can't lose your composure. You have your child to consider. Today was a beautiful day outside, inside however, was gloomy. I decided the only cure was to get outside with my child and soak up the early spring weather. I was completely wrong in my thinking. Everyone else had the same inclination towards the outdoors - namely families. Families with a mummy and a daddy and their SUV sized strollers, mums with their latte in the stroller cup holder, daddies with the family dog. There I was, no daddy, I have the dogs but not enough hands to walk them at the same time. Everywhere I looked I saw the families, smiling, cuddling families. It's kind of like when you want the latest Apple product but you can't buy it yet, you see it everywhere, it seems everyone and their grandmother has one but you. I am furiously jealous of them, though I know that, statistically at least, half of these couples don't make time for a proper conversation, or rarely have intimate relations, or maybe even dislike each other. Today was my pity party and I was the only guest who turned up.
                On a more amusing note, I fell down a flight of stairs with a pile of laundry and my 6 month old daughter laughed her head off. That's when I left my pity party. I couldn't stay at the party because I couldn't invite her, wouldn't invite her, it's not a party a child should even have the slightest idea that her mother is attending. So here I am. Still flapping both wings furiously trying to survive each day. I need to welcome the weak days because I need them as much as I need the days that I feel strong (which gladly outnumber the weak days). I need to feel weak so that I can recognize and appreciate when I feel strong.
               So I don't have what it seems everyone else does and that's ok. I do realize that I have more that most and one thing that no one else ever will, something more priceless than the finest jewel, my daughter. (I'm definitely going to use this to embarrass her when she is a teenager lol)

Singled Out But Not Down

This is my first post to my new blog. Even if I'm the only one to read it, it is a chronicle of my new life as a single mum. I have learned as I have grown older that despite our most thoroughly lain down plans, we don't make them alone. Other factors and people intervene to forever alter the course of our lives. As a new mum also, I have had a steep learning curve. Scratch that, it's been a cliff dive - learn to fly or fall. I'm flapping as fast as I can. With ever beat of my wings I find something else out about myself, my inner strength and resourcefulness. I have also learned the indispensability of a good pot of coffee!
Some of my lessons I'd like to share to you fellow newly single mums or even if you've been single a while or just a new mum, that I think may be helpful:
1) Don't panic - this is paramount. You can't change it, you're in it and panicking WILL make this worse for you. You aren't the first or the last, you will survive if you keep your wits about you. You are strong, you've created a life, making a life for you and your kid(s) from here forward is, in comparison, easier.
2) Realize the power of "mummy time" - even if its just 5 minutes of being selfish, playing solitaire or screaming in the car by yourself, you need to do it to be a better mum.
3) Never underestimate the power of: a pacifier, a noise machine, exersaucer, vibrating chair other distraction for your baby. If you ever intend on sleeping or cleaning your house again, these are your best friends.
4) Taking advice: everyone has advice (even me, as you are currently reading) when it comes to motherhood. Accept it graciously and do what is best for you and your baby. Even the doctor will have her advice but unless anyone of these people will be there with you at 3 am while your child screams, take it with a grain of salt.

As I learn I will pass along my hard won lessons to my blog. My wish is that you find hope, comfort and the odd giggle when you read my blog. Remember: you may have been singled out but you're not down and out. This wont be the end of your story.

bye for now dolls!!